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The Body Remembers What the Mind Forgets: A Journey Back to Age Four

3/23/2025

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The Body Remembers What the Mind Forgets: A Journey Back to Age Four

There’s a memory that’s lived in my body far longer than I’ve consciously remembered it. It’s been tucked in the tension of my shoulders, the panic in my chest, the over-responsibility that flared up anytime things felt out of control. Only recently did I give it words.

I was four years old, trying to do what I thought was expected: get myself and my baby sister ready for church. Our parents were passed out, unresponsive, and I was panicking. I climbed onto a nightstand to reach her crib—because someone had to do it. The nightstand tipped. I fell backward. My head cracked against something—I still don’t know if it was the baseboard or the windowsill. Blood ran down my neck, but I didn’t scream from the pain. I cried because no one was waking up.

That memory has stayed with me, not just in images but in how I’ve moved through life: often in survival mode, often too responsible, often afraid no one would come if I cried.
​
It wasn’t until a recent conversation—oddly enough, with ChatGPT—that I saw this experience through the lens of nervous system science:

"You don’t need to remember what happened for it to affect you. Your body didn’t forget. It adapted."

That one sentence unlocked something.
​
It helped me understand that our earliest experiences—especially the ones we can’t put into words—don’t disappear. They live in our bodies and implicit memory, shaping our reactions, triggers, and patterns.

​A quick note on memory:
  • Implicit memory is stored in the body and shows up in our behaviors, emotions, and instincts—especially from experiences before we had language.
  • Explicit memory is the kind we consciously recall and can describe in a clear narrative.
​
Even if you don’t consciously remember your earliest wounds, your body does. It holds the imprints of fear, the silence of unmet needs, and the adaptations you made to survive. And those adaptations? They’re not flaws. They were your body’s way of protecting you.

Healing doesn’t always require the whole story. It requires presence. It requires a willingness to feel what’s still lingering under the surface, to be curious about your reactions, and to recognize where those patterns began.
Revisiting that memory helped me connect the dots, but even before the memory came back, my body had been telling the story all along.
​
​If this resonates, here are a few gentle invitations for reflection:
  • Notice what your body does when you feel overwhelmed. Does it freeze? Get tense? Go into problem-solving mode?
  • Ask yourself: Where might this pattern have started? What might your younger self have needed in that moment?
  • When discomfort arises, try placing your hand on your heart or belly and saying, “I see you. I’m listening now.”
​
This is part of a new series I’m sharing called Conversations with ChatGPT, where I reflect on the healing insights that have come from my questions and experiences. Not to teach or lead but to offer a mirror. You’re not alone in what you feel, even if you can’t explain why.

Your body knows.

And it’s safe to start listening.

​You don’t have to force anything. Sometimes, healing begins by simply honoring the whisper of discomfort, the tension asking to be seen, or the tears you don’t understand. You’re allowed to trust your own timing.

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